"And I, as I am lifted up from the earth, will attract everyone to me and gather them around me." John 12:32Remember when Jesus told us a grain of wheat must die? "Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over." I love his references to himself and life in terms of soil, grain, seeds, reproduction, new life - gardens.
Jesus tells the disciples they will be sad, but the sadness will develop into gladness." He speaks of giving birth - " When a woman gives birth, she has a hard time, there's no getting around it. But when the baby is born, there is joy in the pain. The sadness you have right now is similar to that pain, but the coming joy is also similar. When I see you again, you'll be full of joy,
and it will be a joy no one can rob from you. You'll no longer be so full of questions. ... Your joy will be a river overflowing its banks!"
Where is Jesus when Judas brings the Roman soldiers to seize him - in the garden (at night - darkness?).
Buried - in the dark earth - where did the stirring come from? ... from within, because it was God who said, " Let light shine out of darkness." I agree and believe that we are seedlings/clay pots - nothing much to look at because our life here is not about us - it is about letting the light shine
out of us - it is about life in Jesus. What does it say in II Corinthians? - For while we live, we are always being given up in death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus may be made visible in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you."
Where is Jesus in the midst of my darkness? He is buried in my heart and his light burns bright - and the darkness? ... the darkness can not overcome it! From Spring 2001 - This is part of a letter written to my cousin Nancy as I was reflecting back on the death of our amazing Aunt Bernice (my mother's oldest sister) on Easter in the spring of 1998.
"Hi Nancy, ... Primavera - 'first green,' ah, the color of happiness? Dylan Thomas wrote, 'The force that through the green fuse drives the flower ...'. When working in the youthful sun, I feel life in the soil of the earth as I prepare for new seedlings. I even feel the green fuse in my own body - do you?
Frances Mays quotes part of a poem by Horace, in Bella Tuscany, that I love,
'In spring the swelling earth aches for seeds of new life.
Lovely the earth in labor, under a nervous west wind.
The fields loosen, a mild wetness lies everywhere.
Confident grows the grass, for the young sun will do no harm.
The shoots of the vine do not fear a southerly storm arising
Or icy rain slanting from heaven under a north wind -
No, bravely they bud now and reveal their leaves.
So it was since the beginning of the world,
Here is the brilliant dawning and pitch of these days.'
And I think YES this is spring, a season that I adore! ... when regeneration of nature explodes everywhere around me, when new surges of energy pulse through my own veins and yet for me and perhaps you as well death is associated with spring and it is a paradox to me. All of life is a series of seasons I suppose. But isn't it odd that I associate the blooming of tulips, lilacs and sweetly scented lilies with death and now with Nancy's (another cousin Nancy) death (2001) I find myself reflecting on this time in the same way.
Isn't it odd what fragments of memory stay? The greenness of Bernice's back garden as I gazed through the glass door in her sun room, feeling almost suspended in the trees and
part of life in those trees. ... hanging lilac from Nancy (the cousin now gone) over my head as I slept in Bernice's bedroom and had wonderful dreams and visions. In the midst of death spring came - as it always has and will. Strange how memory can reach around years and reconnect to the place and time where old loves are still intact.
What has grown since that time? From the cold death grip of winter and Bernice's illness came spring breaking the bonds that cannot hold new life. From Bernice's death something new was born - our relationship - and I am so thankful. An amazing gift
Well, back to the beginning; is 'first green' the color of happiness? I'm not sure - perhaps a mixture of pain and joy - in the loosing, something was found - new life - precious life.
I hope you are well - my love to you
Nancy"
in the midst of darkness, there is a stirring, is it life? ... is it light? ... is it love?
yes, yes, yes ... amazingly yes, graciously yes, miraculously yes - amen!
